irresolute.

I'm not one for resolutions, really. I would rather focus on making ongoing positive changes than set myself up for failure. So when I sat down a while ago to suss out this year, I was really just recording what I have already been trying to do. This just marks it: a physical page in my red book, an image on Instagram, a post on my blog. What I'm really trying to achieve is ongoing evolution. This is just my declaration.

I don't believe in staying static. Staying dynamic is key. We are always looking for growth (personal, spiritual, relationship) and seeking opportunities to learn. Sometimes, yes, it is hard to see the mistakes as opportunities, but that doesn't mean I don't come around eventually. Everything we survive means we are stronger, smarter, more ready for the next time.

This list is part of that. Part of preparedness.

I'm a trained journalist; have I ever mentioned that? I am. I went to three different tertiary schools for various writing degrees. I ended up with a plain-Jane BA. My focus in the end of my BA was cultural studies more than writing, but having to train my fiction-writing head to bend to critical thinking, cultural analysis, and argumentative essaying helped to weed out the nonsense of my youth and fix in place a keen desire to learn, to understand, to see. I've always had a fantastic memory, especially as regards people; and I rely on that to glean information so I can better understand the world around me. A few years ago I began turning that lens on myself. And it was helpful, because in recalling what experiences had made me uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled, I was able to articulate the direction in which I wanted to travel. I knew I would never be a resolutions person. I want to be able to grow and change daily (hourly, even), not on some culturally prescribed timetable. If I make a mistake in June, I don't want to wait until January to change my behavior. I like to fix things; I like to fix them now.

So these are not resolutions. These are ideas. This feeling, this desire to "get it together" has been creeping up on me for a while, but with Bean coming at the end of May, I have definite nesting urges creeping up on me, demanding that I stop messing about and start getting serious.

So, with that in mind, I designate these ideas as my frame for 2013. It might change next week; it might be the same in two years (though I doubt it). At any rate, it is what I want to work on, for us, right now.