growing my family.

I have been quite conspicuously absent from the blogosphere, haven't I?

Well, I have had a very good reason!

This is Owen. He was born early on the last Sunday in May. We had him at home, in a nice roomy pool in the dining room, and I got to reach down and pull him out of the water and place him on my chest. I looked at him and it was like I'd always known him.

Labor was short but very painful. Owen was posterior the whole time and I felt very lonely in the pool, though it helped with the pain. I labored for five hours. After my waters broke, I pushed for 13 minutes. Our birth support Lucie missed it by a day -- she was on a plane to Darwin, to start a new job, and boy did I miss her. We had our excellent midwife, of course, and Nanna came to sit and wait for Piper to wake up. (Piper slept through the entire thing.)

I've been saying it was an awful birth, and it was hard, but maybe awful is too strong a word. I had a (well-managed) post-partum bleed which really knocked me down for a good week, though, and with it came a bit of news: our midwife suggested the next baby would probably need to be born in hospital. Just in case.

But as soon as I held him, and maybe even a little before, in those last, awful, dragging weeks, I knew Owen would be my last baby. Just like I knew his name before was born, just like I knew he would be a boy, I knew we were done. I held him and my entire life clicked into focus.

So I am only a little sad. Pregnancies are things best shared. My first pregnancy I shared with a girl named Ellen who became a wonderful friend. We became new parents within eight weeks of each other and watchd our little girls grow up side by side. This time, I was pregnant not only alongside my best friend, but at the same time as several other friends and acquaintances. When I told Sarah I was done, but I was sad about it, she said, "At least our last pregnancies were together." And that made me feel better about it than pretty much anything else.

It's hard to explain if you don't have a new baby, but at the same time you love them desperately, you don't really know them yet. So you're learning this little person from the beginning, and if you already have a baby (or in our case, a suddenly-very-tall-and-strong-toddler), you can't help but compare. They are similar, but all I can see are the differences. My frame of reference is my daughter, my brilliant, quiet, introverted, artistic, determined daughter. And I have this son who is eyes-open, throwing his head back to gaze out at the world, and I want to know him already. I want to be able to cut a glance his way and know what he's not saying, like with Piper. (She not-says an awful lot. I am fluent in her not-speech.) I am impatient to know this creature. He is already so much of my heart.

I am off "maternity leave" on Monday, so it'll be back to regularly scheduled posts. (I have to talk about the Guild, the show, our group quilt, and I promised Krissy I'd write a quick tutorial on a second quilt. So it should be a busy week.) If you left a Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter message and I didn't respond personally - I am sorry. I am deeply grateful for all the love. I owe you all cookies and tea.

Mwa. See you soon.

Comments

[Michelle]

Yes! Cookies and tea! Owen Is just beautiful and I am so, so happy for you guys. Hope to catch up again soon!